Trump: "Hello Kitty is only real kitty. Hello Kitty is white."

dj drumpf is doubling down on his claim that rival nominee for Association of American Cats president, Katala Hair-Hiss, won't pin down the breed of her own cat. "First, her cat was Siamese. Now, she's claiming Russian Blue. So, what is she? How are we supposed to know?"

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Rachel Scottish-Fold, interviewing for C.A.T.T. (Cats Are Tops TV)) asked, "Why does it matter? What about mixed breed cats?"

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dj drumpf did a spit take with his Diet Coke. "We have to know what a cat IS."

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"Why?"

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drumpf harrumphed. "Look, I respect either one," the orange oldie said, gripping his comb-over in the ill wind blasting him outside the National Association of Cat Journalists headquarters.  "But she obviously doesn't, because it was Siamese all the way and then all of a sudden, she made a turn, and her cat became a Russian Blue."  

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dj continued, pasting his comb-over to his forehead with saliva slicked fingers. "You know how much I love the Russians and that great Canadian fries and gravy and cheese curd side that Putin was named after, but you know I heard her cat failed the litter box test, had to do it twice. I don't know, how does that qualify her to lead the great Association of American Cats, which I am going to make great once again. Today! MAACGAT!"

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When dj was reminded by interviewer Scottish-Fold that half of cats fail the litter box test the first time, he shrugged, chugged his Diet Coke, burped and spit up on his chin which he wiped up with his Hello Kitty tie.

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"Do you ever wear anything besides your Hello Kitty tie, dj?"

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"No."

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"Can you tell me why that is?"

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"No."

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"I think our viewers would like to know."

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"Okay...okay, you Scottish-Folds are pushy. Okay, so Hello Kitty is so obviously white. White as New York snow. White as White-Out and Liquid Paper and there's some stuff you didn't want to invest in because I tried it once and it made such a hellish mess on your laptop screen, it looked like...well never mind what it looked like...you can guess...such a mess, it should be called 'How-the-fuck-do-I-get-this-off-my-screen'. White. Hello Kitty is white, white, white. There's no question about some Black Chantilly-Tiffany getting their black poker in there somewhere in the past. Hello Kitty is white."

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"I see. What would you say then to your critics who say you have a bias against dark breed cats."

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"How dark?"

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"Brown, bla-"

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"Some brownies are okay. Good mousers. You got mice, you get brownies. They clean up good. They love to clean. It's what they were bred for."

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"Well, it wasn't but-"

"Was."

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"Well, historically, no it-"

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"You got that from some book, didn't you? Jesus. Books."

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"Moving on...what about blacks?"

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"Nobody has done more for black cats than me. I love all the black cats."

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"Isn't it true you kept black cats out of your shelters in the 1970's?"

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"Who said that?"

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"The New York State Cat Rights Commission."

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"New York loves me."

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"Do they?"

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"They used to love me."

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"Until they got to know you?"

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"Yeah."

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